we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
