Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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