HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
