I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
