I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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