Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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