so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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