Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
