I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
