I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
