she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
