i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
