i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
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