Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
