i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
