A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
