We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
