Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
