I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
