i just had sex bonerless
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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