I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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