He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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