**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Your cock deserves a montage
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
