Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
