"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
