On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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