i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
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I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
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I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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