trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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