Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
