I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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