Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
