Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Is Oprah even human
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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