The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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