I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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