you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
