i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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