Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's blow job season.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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