I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the day after is always just damage control
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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