Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
