Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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