i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
