Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
