i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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