dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Barsexuality is the new black.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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