Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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