Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
