So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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