WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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