Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
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