my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
