can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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