I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
