New invention idea: vibrating tampons
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
