Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
