yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
