The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Come share oat with me in your robe
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
