Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
