i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
