I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
