I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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