it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
