her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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