that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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