hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
