Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
