He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
