I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
