Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
