in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
