Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i think i have herpe
just one?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
