i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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