dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
