We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
