That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
How's work?
Spinning.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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