i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
