Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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