It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
