the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He better not be in your backpack
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
