Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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